1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:04,937
? Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,039
? Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:11,209
? Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,679
? Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
? And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
? Girls were girls
and men were men
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,587
? Mister, we could use a man
8
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
? Like Herbert Hoover again
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,660
? Didn't need no welfare state
10
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,897
? Everybody pulled his weight
11
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:36,101
? Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
12
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:41,440
? Those were the days ?
13
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:49,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
14
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,964
Sure, sure, should've
known. Figures.
15
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,655
We finally get somebody in the
White House that I can agree with,
16
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,257
and you think she's wrong.
17
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,993
She certainly is.
18
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,428
President Ford tells
us all to bite the bullet,
19
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:07,298
and Betsy Ford goes on
TV and shoots off her mouth.
20
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,134
Arch, her name is Betty,
21
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,603
and she only said that
she wouldn't be surprised
22
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,038
if her daughter had an affair.
23
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,606
She's a big girl.
24
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,074
Listen, if she has an affair,
she'd be a lot bigger girl.
25
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,758
Let me tell you somethin' else.
26
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,961
The First Lady ain't supposed to go
around making dumb remarks in public.
27
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,351
That's the President's job.
28
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,337
What're you sayin', Arch? That just
because she's the President's wife,
29
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:36,795
she shouldn't be entitled
to her own opinions?
30
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:38,564
How do you know
they're her own opinions?
31
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,032
Maybe they ain't
her own opinions.
32
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,667
I'm readin' in the
paper where the CIA
33
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,702
is goin' around
dopin' people up.
34
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:47,573
Half the government in
Washington is all doped up.
35
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:51,710
Maybe somebody injected some of
that, uh, LTD in the lady's cottage cheese.
36
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,681
Could've turned
her into a sex nut.
37
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:59,785
Which is what I call anybody
that is for pre-martial sex.
38
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,957
Premarital. Whatever.
39
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:08,226
Couples ain't supposed to
do that before they get married.
40
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,605
Oh, but it's all
right for couples
41
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,374
to have premarital sex
after they're married?
42
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:14,799
Certainly. That's the only
time for it. And at night.
43
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,585
I wanna tell you somethin' else.
44
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,520
No daughter of Archie
Bunker would ever get caught
45
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,664
fooling around before
she got married.
46
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,989
Get away from me, you dirty guy.
47
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,329
Mike, I found some
more packing boxes.
48
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,276
Oh, thanks, Ma.
Oh, look at this.
49
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,733
Hey, now you got a matched
set of Polack luggage.
50
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:51,848
I can't wait to get
out of this place.
51
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,872
When I move out
of here tomorrow,
52
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,251
I'm gonna feel like a guy who
just served a five-year sentence.
53
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,342
Oh, gee, some tough sentence.
54
00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:00,571
Free room and board and
sleeping with the warden's daughter.
55
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,027
I don't know why I bother
talking with the man.
56
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:07,753
A guy who just said that the CIA put
LTD in Betsy Ford's cottage cheese.
57
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:12,691
Oh, my. I'm gonna
miss Mike and Gloria.
58
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,526
The house won't be the same.
59
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:17,095
No, there'll be more
room up in the can.
60
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,811
- Hi, Gloria.
- Hi, there, little girl.
61
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:25,637
Ma, Daddy. Boy,
have I got news for you.
62
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,774
Oh, what kind of news?
63
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:33,178
Well, look at me.
Doesn't it show?
64
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:34,946
Don't what show?
65
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:38,817
Well, I just came from the
doctor's. Now, look at my face.
66
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,651
Can't you see?
67
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,131
Oh, jeez, if you've got
something catching,
68
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:45,523
give it to your mother. I got
to go to work in the morning.
69
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,026
Daddy, no. This is
an incredible surprise.
70
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,328
Stay over there. Stay
over there and tell her.
71
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,031
Oh, all right. I'll
give you a hint.
72
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,135
? I found a million dollar
73
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,871
? At the five and
ten cent store ?
74
00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:04,909
You found a baby in Woolworth's?
75
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:10,615
Gloria, is what I'm
thinkin' what I think it is?
76
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:14,052
That's right, Ma. The
doctor gave me a test.
77
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,087
The rabbit test?
78
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,990
What the hell can you
catch from a rabbit?
79
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,726
Daddy, no.
80
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,195
I'm going to have a baby.
81
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,700
Gloria.
82
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,837
Gloria.
83
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,807
You're gonna have a baby?
84
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:38,910
Oh, she's gonna have a baby.
85
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,478
Oh, Gloria.
86
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:51,823
Will you cut this out?
87
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,128
What're you carryin' on for?
88
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,297
She got married
first, didn't she?
89
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,967
I can't believe it.
90
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:07,071
I'm gonna be a grandmother.
91
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,508
Oh, I got to be
alone and cry a little.
92
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:14,479
Oh, no. I gotta be with
Gloria and cry a lot!
93
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,517
Come on, Edith. Will
you get out of there?
94
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:22,721
Let the old man
have a chance here.
95
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,789
There, my little girl. Daddy.
96
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,325
Oh, you're gonna be a grandpa!
97
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,964
Will you stop it? You're
gonna squash the baby.
98
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,244
Here, here, here. Come
here. Take some of these here.
99
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,636
Will you dry your
face? Sit down.
100
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:42,641
Control yourself, there. You're gonna
be a grandma. Here, have a cigar.
101
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,311
I ain't never been a
grandmother before.
102
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:51,215
Well, neither have I. You don't
hear me getting hysterical over here.
103
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,718
Give me that.
104
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:57,655
Oh, look at this. My
baby's gonna have a baby.
105
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,925
Ain't that nice. Aw, gee.
106
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,761
Here, Archie.
107
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:06,598
Take that away. Do you
see water runnin' out of me?
108
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:09,734
Gloria, when do
you expect the baby?
109
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,202
Well, I'm two months pregnant.
110
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:14,072
Gee, don't... don't
say that word. Gee.
111
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:19,310
Listen, honey, bad
girls get pregnant, see?
112
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,947
Nice married girls
is always expecting.
113
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:26,284
I wonder why
Mike didn't tell us.
114
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,120
'Cause he doesn't know yet.
115
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,522
Mike don't know?
116
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,711
What the hell
business is it of his?
117
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,195
He's the first one
that should know.
118
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,097
Gloria, he's upstairs packin'.
119
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,133
Why don't you go
up and tell him?
120
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,346
You want me to run up
and tell him for you, little girl?
121
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,936
No.
122
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,617
It's just that this is going to
be such a big surprise for him,
123
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,052
because, well, we weren't planning
to have a baby for some time.
124
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,921
And, well, you know
how Michael worries
125
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:55,480
about world problems and
the population explosion.
126
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,416
For a guy who worries
about explosions,
127
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,150
he lights the fuse
every chance he gets.
128
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,022
Ma, what time is
Gloria gettin' home?
129
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,857
I'm home, Michael.
130
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,925
Oh, great. I'll be right down.
131
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,760
Uh, Daddy,
132
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:12,563
why don't you take Ma
out to dinner tonight?
133
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,467
What for? It ain't her birthday.
134
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:20,204
Archie, Gloria wants to be
alone when she tells Mike.
135
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,739
Why?
136
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,641
Please, Daddy.
137
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:26,044
I gotta leave my own house
for something he done?
138
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:30,014
Please, Grandpa.
139
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,550
Oh, jeez. Oh, Grandpa!
140
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,665
Don't you weep and whinny again.
141
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:38,222
All right, get your hat
and coat. We'll go out.
142
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,702
Thanks, Daddy.
All right, all right.
143
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,493
Don't run, don't run, don't run.
144
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:45,630
You'll fall off them shoes
and wake the baby up.
145
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,144
I gotta get Michael's dinner.
146
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,567
All right. We'll go out, Edith.
147
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,703
But nothin' Italian because
it causes garlic stones.
148
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:54,884
Hey, where are you two goin'?
149
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:58,075
Oh, Archie's takin'
me out to dinner.
150
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:01,224
Come on. I didn't know
it was your birthday.
151
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:04,348
No, no, no, no. Her
birthday's in March.
152
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,350
October. Whatever.
153
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,321
We're goin' out to
celebrate something else.
154
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,530
Why are you smilin' at me?
155
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:22,233
Well, because I like you.
156
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,602
You're okay there, Meathead.
157
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,807
What's wrong?
158
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,544
Nothing, Mike.
159
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,380
Gloria's in the
kitchen. Come on.
160
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,847
Yes, she's in the kitchen.
161
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:40,017
She's got a surprise
for you out there.
162
00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:43,254
In the oven.
163
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,495
In the oven.
164
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,803
- Hey, Gloria?
- In the kitchen.
165
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,406
Something's the
matter with your father.
166
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:04,453
You know, he was smilin' at me
out there. Patted me on the cheek.
167
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:06,611
I thought he was gonna kiss me.
168
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:07,924
Michael. Yeah?
169
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,514
I've got some news for you.
170
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:10,994
Yeah? Good news or bad news?
171
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:15,053
Well, that's up to you. Um...
172
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,655
You remember that weekend
we spent in Long Beach?
173
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,390
Gee, how could I forget?
174
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,193
We had Leo and Miriam's
bungalow all to ourselves.
175
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,106
You bought that
new string bikini.
176
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,200
And I forgot my pills.
177
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,904
And you didn't feel like running
out to a drugstore that late at night.
178
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:44,849
Gloria,
179
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,720
are you trying to tell
me that you're pregnant?
180
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,701
First you tell me if that would
be good news or bad news?
181
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,425
Are you kidding? That
would be great news.
182
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:57,862
I'm pregnant. I
don't believe it.
183
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,931
That's wonderful!
That's just great!
184
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,048
Uh, uh, is there something
we should be doin'?
185
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:08,639
Uh, yeah. Boil
water. Boil water.
186
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:12,043
Already? Yeah,
we're having spaghetti.
187
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,879
We're not havin' spaghetti.
We're goin' out for dinner.
188
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,717
Oh, boy. We're gonna celebrate
because we're gonna have a baby.
189
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,419
Oh, Michael,
190
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,921
I was so worried that you
didn't want to have a baby.
191
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:28,792
Honey, why would you worry?
We're gonna have a baby.
192
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,595
Well, after my miscarriage,
we did promise each other
193
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:34,477
that we wouldn't try again, at
least till things got better in the world.
194
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,944
Well, yeah, but, honey,
things did get better.
195
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:39,270
I'm workin' now, and tomorrow,
we're movin' next door.
196
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,705
And you know what else? What?
197
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,741
We're gonna have a baby.
198
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,858
Why would you worry about me?
199
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:54,052
Well, you did say that there are millions
of babies in the world already born
200
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,753
that don't have a
fair chance to live.
201
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,422
Yeah, I know I said that.
202
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,224
And then you said that maybe we
ought to think about adopting one
203
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:03,027
instead of bringing another one
into an already overcrowded world.
204
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,807
Yeah, I know I said that.
205
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,132
And you said we ought to think
about what's happening to our ecology.
206
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,701
Yeah, yeah, I said that.
207
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:12,615
'Cause you said that the air is
poisoned and the water is filthy
208
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:16,574
and there's not enough
food to go around.
209
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,911
Yeah, I know I said that.
210
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,881
Are you upset now?
211
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:27,852
Upset? No, no, no, no.
I'm not upset. I'm just, uh...
212
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,565
It's... It's a natural reaction.
213
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,856
You reminded me of
a lot of unhappy things.
214
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:35,159
So naturally, I, uh, started
to feel a little bit unhappy.
215
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:38,563
But deep down inside,
I'm, hey, very happy.
216
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,835
Really? Oh, really. Really.
217
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:47,471
The only thing that I'm
slightly unhappy about
218
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:51,075
is that you forgot your pills.
219
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,860
Are you insinuating that I
deliberately forgot my pills?
220
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:01,419
No, no, no. Honey, honey, I'm not
saying you deliberately forgot 'em.
221
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,621
Did you?
222
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,557
No.
223
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,771
Besides, you were the one that
didn't wanna run out to a drugstore.
224
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:11,173
You... You were the one that
went parading around the living room
225
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:12,864
in your string bikini.
226
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,811
Well, you were the one that
put on the Mantovani record.
227
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,369
You were the one that
danced us into the bedroom.
228
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,549
Well, there was a cold
shower in the house, you know.
229
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,707
I know. I took
one. It didn't help!
230
00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:25,042
Because you took it with me!
231
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:30,481
Uh, Gloria, I... I
hate to say this,
232
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,783
but I think that, yes, I
think subconsciously
233
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:34,485
deep down inside,
234
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:36,821
you tricked me.
235
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,467
Tricked you? You trapped me.
236
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,102
Trapped you?
You... You lured me.
237
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:42,560
Lured you? You seduced me.
238
00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:45,930
If I seduced you, how
come I'm pregnant?
239
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:50,968
Because you forgot the pills.
240
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,737
Honey, if you had
to forget something,
241
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:56,574
why couldn't it be the
string bikini and not the pills?
242
00:12:56,643 --> 00:13:00,083
Would you let me walk on
the beach wearing three pills?
243
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,349
I'm going out.
Where are you going?
244
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:07,652
I don't know. I'm goin' out.
Out into the night somewhere.
245
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,688
Michael!
246
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:13,917
Michael Stivic, you come
back here this instant!
247
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,360
Michael, come back here!
248
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,462
Michael.
249
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,599
You forgot your coat.
250
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:36,414
I can't believe
she forgot her pills.
251
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,003
You know, Irene, I
was so mad at her,
252
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:40,585
I felt like running to the
nearest bar and getting loaded.
253
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:41,952
Then why didn't you?
254
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:44,422
When I drink, I throw up.
255
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,493
Come on, Mike. Sit
down. Calm yourself.
256
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:49,672
Here, eat something.
257
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:53,097
I can't eat when
I'm feelin' this way.
258
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,667
How could she do that? She
knows accidents can happen.
259
00:13:55,735 --> 00:14:00,037
Now wait a minute, buster. You
were at the scene of that accident.
260
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,473
You're no innocent
bystander, you know?
261
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,287
And you know something else?
262
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:07,478
I think all your gobbledygook
about not having babies
263
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,626
because the world is falling
apart is just a big crock.
264
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:14,185
Sure. Sure, Irene. You're sayin'
that because you're a devout Catholic.
265
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:17,154
No, I'm sayin' that because
you're a devout coward.
266
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:21,726
I think you're afraid of the
responsibility of raising a child.
267
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:23,661
That's a low blow, Irene.
268
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,341
All right, if you
don't want kids,
269
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,565
then why didn't you
have a vasectomy, huh?
270
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:31,002
That's an even
lower blow, Irene.
271
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,871
You don't want my advice.
272
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,041
You just want me to tell you
that the baby is Gloria's fault
273
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:41,279
and that it's wrong to bring a
child into an overcrowded world.
274
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:43,881
Yes, yes. Now
you're makin' sense.
275
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:49,287
Look, before you blame this one
poor little baby for destroying the world,
276
00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:50,822
I got something I
want you to read.
277
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,002
What is it? Vatican propaganda?
278
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,258
What?
279
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,794
I don't need any more
poop from the Pope.
280
00:14:56,863 --> 00:15:00,932
It happens to be from The
Christian Science Monitor.
281
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,267
Since when do you get The
Christian Science Monitor?
282
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,804
Since my Baptist butcher
ran out of wax paper.
283
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,740
All right, Irene. Make jokes. I
came here for understanding.
284
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,809
I thought I'd get somebody
like Joyce Brothers.
285
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,211
I got Joan Rivers.
Thank you very much.
286
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:15,991
Look, at least read the article.
287
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,181
Yeah, I'll read it.
288
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:25,390
Gloria, why don't you
come upstairs to bed?
289
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:28,293
I can't. Michael's left me,
290
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,762
and I'm going to have a baby.
291
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:35,733
Oh, he'll be back
long before then.
292
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:42,507
He probably just
went to the movies.
293
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,208
Or get a divorce.
294
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,788
Who's getting a divorce?
295
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,412
Nobody, Archie.
296
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,815
I'm just trying to
cheer Gloria up.
297
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,384
Mike loves you very much.
298
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,687
He wouldn't think of
doin' a thing like that.
299
00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:00,391
If Ann Landers got a divorce,
it could happen to anybody.
300
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:06,196
Maybe Ann Landers
should've wrote to Dear Abby.
301
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:12,904
Oh, oh, my. I am a grandma.
302
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:16,473
I just knew Michael would be
unhappy about the baby. I knew it.
303
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:20,144
Oh, Gloria. Mike
will be very happy
304
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,814
as soon as the baby gets here.
305
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,182
Maybe the baby won't get here.
306
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:28,452
Well, there ain't nothing
you can do to stop that...
307
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:35,159
Gloria, no.
308
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:38,362
Oh, you wouldn't
do a thing like that?
309
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,332
It's exactly what I've been
sitting here thinking about.
310
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,667
Oh, my.
311
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,137
If... If I'd have
thought like that,
312
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:51,376
I'd be sittin' here
now talkin' to myself.
313
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,379
Well, Ma, don't you feel
a woman has a right to do
314
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,847
what she wants
with her own body?
315
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,282
Well?
316
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:01,451
Well...
317
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,022
Oh, when I'm sittin' here
watchin' them women
318
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:09,393
talk about it on
TV, I guess it's yes,
319
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:13,064
but when I'm sittin' here
with my own daughter,
320
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:18,235
who's carryin' my
own grandchild...
321
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:21,305
Oh, Gloria,
322
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:25,142
I'm already in
love with that baby.
323
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,111
Well, so am I.
324
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:30,915
But the baby isn't
here, and Michael is,
325
00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:33,751
and I don't wanna
lose my husband.
326
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,788
Oh, jeez.
327
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,897
You're doin' a hell of
a job cheerin' her up.
328
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:47,364
She's worried. Mike has
been gone a long time.
329
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,244
Yeah, he left before dinner,
330
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,969
which means he probably
fainted in the streets.
331
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:55,405
Archie, Gloria and me
got something to talk about.
332
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,307
Would you please go back to bed?
333
00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:00,544
No. I hate bed when I'm up.
334
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,958
You go and make
me some coffee, huh?
335
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,160
Go on. Make coffee.
Let me talk to her, huh?
336
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:07,652
Oh, all right. But
please be nice.
337
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,353
I'm always nice.
338
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,190
Coffee, coffee.
339
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,895
Oh, little girl.
340
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,497
Would you get out of my chair?
341
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,604
All right. Don't cry. 'Cause
I'm never kicking you...
342
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,084
I'd never kick you out of
my chair. Come over here.
343
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,076
I just want you to sit with
me. Like this here, you know.
344
00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:36,246
Like we done long ago.
Remember that, huh?
345
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:39,617
Gee, I guess we ain't done
this since you was six years old,
346
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:43,788
and I had to talk you into
going to school. Remember that?
347
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:45,422
Yeah, I had to take
you by the hand
348
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:48,358
and drag you to school everyday,
for a week. You remember that?
349
00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:54,498
And all the kids teased you because you
had to have your daddy drag you to school.
350
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,834
Remember that? Hmm.
351
00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:01,372
So, I finally made you go to
school all by yourself. Remember?
352
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:02,973
Sure.
353
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:06,476
Except, there you were following
me about half a block behind,
354
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:10,180
just creeping along, ducking
behind bushes and mail boxes.
355
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:15,986
Watching out for me every step
of the way, making sure I was safe.
356
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,523
Who went and told you
that? Your mother, huh?
357
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,636
She didn't have to. I
couldn't miss the sound of you
358
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,893
crashing into
those garbage cans.
359
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,832
I didn't see them. I had to keep
my eyes on you the whole time.
360
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:32,303
Did I ever tell you about the
first time I ever set eyes on you?
361
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:35,273
Yeah, lots of times.
Oh, well, all right.
362
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,575
Will you tell me
again? Yeah, sure.
363
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,645
The nurse took me
up to that special room
364
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,781
where they keep all the
fresh babies, you know?
365
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,251
I looked through the glass
366
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,620
and I pointed right at you.
367
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,422
It wasn't easy because it
was about a 12-to-1 shot.
368
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,191
Well, no, it was a 11-to-1 shot.
369
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,727
One of the kids
was a colored kid.
370
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,496
And you picked me out, huh?
371
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:03,000
Oh, just like that. And
I rapped on the glass,
372
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,403
and you looked up at me
and you give me a big smile.
373
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,172
You remember that?
374
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,042
Yeah.
375
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:15,145
So, come on. How about giving me
376
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,514
one of them big
smiles again, huh?
377
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,683
Come on, give me a smile.
378
00:20:19,751 --> 00:20:21,785
There. That's it. Sure.
379
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,488
And then the years went
by. You was growin' up,
380
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,256
and I was watchin' you blossom.
381
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,293
And then one day, all of a
sudden, bingo, there you was.
382
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,595
Wearing my very
first training bra.
383
00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:33,364
Oh, don't mention that.
384
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:37,507
Daddy, we're all
alone. You're my father.
385
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,170
We can talk about
things like that.
386
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,707
Yeah, I guess we can now.
387
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:48,412
Hey, you know what Stretch
Cunningham says about them trainin' bras?
388
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,481
What?
389
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:53,617
He calls 'em Little
League chest protectors.
390
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:07,932
I guess this is one
of them, what you call
391
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:10,434
close father-daughter
moments, ain't it?
392
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:21,445
Hi. Ah, jeez, he's back.
393
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:27,518
Where have you
been, Michael Stivic?
394
00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:31,121
I was out walking and thinking.
395
00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:34,625
I didn't know you could do
them two things at the same time.
396
00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:38,028
Did I hear Mike
come... Oh, hi, Mike.
397
00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:40,909
Yeah. See, he's back. You didn't
think he was gonna miss his last night
398
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,133
of free room and board, did you?
399
00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:46,236
Arch, please. I'd like to
talk to Gloria in private.
400
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,138
You can talk to her in private,
401
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,774
but I gotta hear.
402
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:54,712
Yeah, Daddy's right, Michael.
You're the one that ran off and left me,
403
00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:58,182
and they stayed here with me,
waiting and worrying about you.
404
00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:00,651
Your mother worried.
I didn't give a damn.
405
00:22:02,187 --> 00:22:03,832
So, anything you've got to say,
406
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:05,200
you can say in
front of all of us.
407
00:22:05,224 --> 00:22:07,391
Yeah. Bravo, bravo.
408
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:12,730
All right.
409
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:15,233
Uh,
410
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:18,568
I feel happy about the baby.
411
00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:22,339
Jeez, whoop-dee-doo.
412
00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:26,710
Yeah, whoop-dee-doo. I'm
real happy you're happy now.
413
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:29,480
And I sure am happy.
414
00:22:29,548 --> 00:22:31,715
We all heard from you.
415
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:36,587
I've always wanted
to be a grandmother.
416
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,022
Well, not always.
417
00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:39,890
First, I wanted to be a wife.
418
00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:42,325
Then I wanted to be a mother.
419
00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:45,696
Then I wanted to
be a grandmother.
420
00:22:45,765 --> 00:22:47,998
And now do you wanna be quiet?
421
00:22:53,639 --> 00:22:55,172
Look, honey,
422
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,075
I... I was wrong.
423
00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:01,945
I... I really do wanna
have the baby.
424
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:03,982
Look,
425
00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:07,217
I want you to read somethin'.
426
00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:10,754
It says it a lot
better than I can.
427
00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:14,024
It's, uh, something
Alistair Cooke wrote.
428
00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:16,893
Alistair what?
429
00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:18,762
Alice, the cook.
430
00:23:30,209 --> 00:23:34,544
"In the best of times, our
days are numbered anyway.
431
00:23:34,613 --> 00:23:37,447
"And so it would be
a crime against nature
432
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:41,551
"for any generation to take
the world crisis so solemnly
433
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:43,631
"that it put off
enjoying those things
434
00:23:43,655 --> 00:23:46,423
"for which we were
designed in the first place.
435
00:23:46,491 --> 00:23:49,059
"The opportunity
to do good work,
436
00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:50,594
"to fall in love,
437
00:23:50,662 --> 00:23:53,563
"to enjoy friends, to hit a ball
438
00:23:56,668 --> 00:23:58,535
"and to bounce a baby."
439
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:03,006
Oh, Michael.
440
00:24:09,548 --> 00:24:10,680
Good night.
441
00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:12,415
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
442
00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:26,229
Oh, Archie,
443
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:30,734
wasn't that beautiful,
what Gloria read?
444
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:33,704
Yeah, it was kind of nice.
445
00:24:33,772 --> 00:24:36,092
What the hell did it
have to do with cookin'?
446
00:24:59,765 --> 00:25:01,776
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
447
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,334
before a live audience.
448
00:25:04,305 --> 00:26:04,405
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/75qhs
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
449
00:26:04,455 --> 00:26:09,005
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0